Growing up, there were alot of mirrors that
I came across,
But my reflection wasn't showing in any of them
It was like i was invisible
I never existed, an unspoken character that remained a folktale in my head
No one to explain what was happening,
The changes and how to find myself.
But, if only i knew how it really gets better as i grow older.
Dear young me
Remember, when we would call the spirit of grandma
Begging her to come and take us?
That time when i almost made you jump from that tall tree just to make the emotional pain stop?
I didn't know that it really gets better when i grow up.
I found out that there are others just like us,
Their rainbow painted all over them its hard not to notice,
And they made it easier for me.
Now, we get to talk about it,
How we struggled with our feelings.
I can now see my reflection in the mirror,
Dear young me
If only i knew,
How easy it was gonna be here.
Now i walk infront of other mini versions of me
And they all stare
Their eyes wide open like they are seeing a god.
Gazing at me with admiration,
Filled with questions, like how do i do it?
If only they knew that it gets easy when you grow up.
But i know their fear
cause we have been there and we barely survived.
I left you with a couple of scars,
I am sure you still hate me for it.
But Dear young me,
If only i knew how easy it was gonna get when i grow up,
I wouldn't have made you go through all that pain.
I now have this whole world to paint
If only i would turn back time,
Dear God somehow can you press rewind.
Maybe i could teach you what i know now, if only.
As i grew older i finally understood those wierd feelings we had,
I accepted them and it got better.
Now it seems as if there are alot of rainbows everywhere i go,
Guess we didn't know but time made me aware.
Dear young me
I finally met someone, who loves me for just me.
As i grew older, i finally got to learn what being queer is.
And now we lift each other, its different from back then
Cause now i am no longer alone.
Remember how 'thats so gay' comment we got offended by?
Its now a compliment here,
If only we knew.
Dear young me,
I can't take back what i made you go through
But i am now a light to other young people
I will let them know that
It really does get better as you grow older.
Such depth and difference in perspective as you grow into who you were always meant to be. Being a part of a community that understands that you are beautiful as you are.
ReplyDeleteBut not everyone has that. The problem starts at home when no one accepts you and no matter how inclusive society becomes, you hate the person in the mirror because being that person means losing those people who are supposed to be there. It means going to church and feeling like you are a sinner for being born like that, going to school or work and knowing no one really understands, going home and knowing you have to hide who you are. It gets tiring putting on a mask at any age.
But I hope it gets better for those who have the ability to live their lives and be accepted and even for those who don't, I hope stories like this resonate and give strength
The more, you know you are not alone in this battle is enough reason to give you strength,you dont have to come out to be valid. Come out to yourself and be true to yourself. Accepting yourself is enough.
ReplyDeleteIam more comfortable with living with the pain of pretending to be someone im not everyday , it really didn't get better for me. Thank you kween im still hopeful
ReplyDelete��Well, I follow you and I know it's getting better for you. I guess with financial freedom, one is able to unlock the version of themselves that is in the "closet" and not care what people think.
ReplyDeleteSo, I hope fellow readers get to learn from your journey. Financial independence makes it easier...
This was a good read ��