Its THICK here : i am drowning

 _Its THICK here : I am drowning_ 

My life was never my own

Controlled by forces out of my control

Society telling me how to act, religion a shadowy silhouette over my life. 

What did i do to them, why am i always their target?

I break down and cry

So many tears, so much hate.

I am suffocating. 

I yell why me, why me, please tell me

All I hear is silence and the lightly blowing wind.

I dream of a place high and far away

A place where peace lives

Where their hate cannot touch me.

Tired of this life, death I embrace.

Being queer is soo expensive, this is how much it has costed me. 

Evil you think me

Righteous you think of you

You speak as though you have lived my tribulations. 

Telling me i chose to be different, as if you chose being straight. 

Weak you think of me, stronger you think of you

If you walked in my shoes for a day, maybe you would see 

I am not weak, I am stronger than you.

I embrace the darkness 

Hunger for the feel of death's kiss

Knowing peace will soon be mine at last.

You on the other hand, cry and mourn in self pity and fear

When your death is advancing near, soon to come to pass.

My only fear the only one, can God forgive me can he understand? 

I do not wish to disobey him and commit mortal sin

I hope He can understand this pain this sadness of this life 

It's just to much for me to live.

Years of pain, millions of tears

One weight to many on my shoulders to bear

I am ready to pass over to whatever place lies beyond

Darkness envelopes me, my body still and so very cold

From above I see myself, I smile

I say rest is now mine, pain is no more. 

Its THICK here